I wanted to share my insight on being independent. Not because I consider myself an expert, but to let my readers know what I learnt from my teachers and found to be helpful in living a healthy and happy life.
Independence means ‘In Dependency’—depending on your inner self and being happy with the way you are without comparing yourself with others, but improving yourself as and when necessary.
Are these truly the characteristics of a truly independent individual? You let me know..
What I have seen around a lot is that people often compare themselves and their loved ones with others. They look for validation from others. Others saying “good”; “wow”; “incredible”—means that’s wonderful to them even without even giving that thing or subject a moment of thought or feeling whether they really feel the same way. And, if others say or express disapproval of something (whatever the subject may be) they automatically and instantly disassociate themselves from that and adopt a doubtful and hostile attitude towards it. Is this indeed the sign of being independent?
Media and Magazines condition the mind of the audience with manipulative versions of Health, Beauty and Happiness by forcing one to believe except “this and that” you are missing on a huge thing. The audience feels excitement and jumps to the conclusion that this is their mantra and only way or possession” to be ‘fashionable’, ‘desirable’, ‘healthy’, ‘classy’, ‘sophisticated’, ‘elite’, ‘exclusive’ etc. Is this indeed the sign of being independent?
Competitiveness or competency is considered a good and attractive quality. But, if the entire time you are busy trying to rise up only by pulling others down and making others feel inferior to you then how come you are an independent person?
You keep doing something or the other to impress others. Sometimes, even to impress those whom you don’t even know and who don’t care about you. Even in small or trivial matters the common dialogues most audible around us are— “what will happen to our prestige?”, “what people will say?”. It is good to be considerate of others and value other’s opinions. Also, being a revolutionary and argumentative personality isn’t the objective. But, imagine a scenario— You are attending an event and dress appropriately. That isn’t Best Enough for others and they say “dress the best to showcase our class appropriately” and you instantly start carrying the burden to showcase all the expensive possessions you have to display your status and class because someone said “what people will think?”. Is this indeed the sign of being independent?
This discussion can go on like this stretching this blog longer. Let me share here clear cut what truly independent people (‘In Dependency’ believers) I have seen doing instead:
They Hardly Compete with Others
Competing with others doesn’t make you the best. The more you compete, more competitors with impressive qualities will cross your way keeping you busy in competition only. All your life you did what?- Competed with others for self gratification. You had no better things to do in life! Truly independent people compete with their older version to improve their new and future version. They compete with themselves in a proper and gentle way. Treating others as inferiors to pamper the ego within and expecting to stay happy is like eating poison and expecting to stay healthy. You can never be Good by proving others how bad in certain fields others are. It is not a philosophical lecture. It is the truth competitive people with ego issues fail to understand. There is always someone better than you in looks, talents, skills, and personality. So, keep competing with your older version to polish better your present version.
“I am a very competitive person” is a highly “insecure and disturbed from within kind-of person”. It is a kind of mental sickness to keep competing with others all the time. Change it to be truly independent.
Stop Criticizing and Gossiping
The concept of an Independent person is highly associated with “I never listen to other’s” and “I don’t care” attitude. But, what I have seen in Truly independent people is that they don’t waste their energy and time criticizing others either. It doesn’t mean they like everyone. That’s not the usual case. They simply don’t focus on things that they are not very comfortable with and direct their energy in minding their matters in a sober way instead. You might not like it all. It’s ok. But, why do you then waste time talking about them? Discourage that habit in you. Tell others also that criticizing a person or situation only will bring more such situations or encounters in one’s life. Time is precious, so focus on rectifying your faults and on learning how to navigate people/situations that are beyond your repair. Simple!
Seek Your Approval First
Before blindly following the ‘trends’ popularly propagated by Media and Masses, take some time to do soul searching and find if you actually like that particularly situation or subject. Everyone wears makeup at parties. Ok but, if you don’t like makeup why would you force yourself to wear it just because all do it? Until and unless your way of dressing, talking, and being yourself is not disturbing or damaging anyone/anything around, do what you truly feel about a certain thing. If you ask why then will you think about if others are getting disturbed or not? Here comes the next point- treat other’s rights righteously.
The makeup part is an example. You can take some time to think how many times you did certain things just because others would say otherwise. Be you and do things that you know define you the best, without doing bad to others. Doing anything unwillingly only to go with the flow and impress others always is a no-brainer tactic that compromises peacefulness, happiness and self-esteem in one’s life. Sometimes listen to others that you think is worth adjusting with or following, but not make it a by-default condition to be in one’s good book.
Truly Independent People Righteously Treat Other’s Rights
If ever you feel like listening to music loudly, playing it when others are around isn’t a sign of being truly independent. You Want to Hear It. Not all. They have the right to enjoy a noise-free environment if they want or listen to something else if they desire. Use a headphone to listen what you want and let others have their choice of environment. Respect other’s right and choices too along with doing yours. This is just an example to help understand what it means to be truly independent without curbing other’s rights and peacefulness or damaging them. Someone has something and you want the exact one and not willing to look for its equivalents but snatch that specific object with tricks is not a characteristic of a truly independent person. True independence also comes with distancing from selfishness without compromising consistently on oneself. The sense of balancing makes one truly independent.
Quit Racing and Follow Your Timeline
A truly independent person don’t go around carrying the burden of others’ perceived timeline by which they must mandatorily do or achieve a certain thing. I don’t mean here neglect your project deadlines, career goals or ignore the period by which you must make bill payments. Value time, it is a virtue. But, don’t always race with others and drag your health and happiness to danger level by over-exhausting yourself to do things as per popular perceptions, by default. Someone did it or bought it so now you must also go after that object even if you might not need it at that very moment or might not be fond of much. You are planning to retire at 45 and so you do not give yourself sufficient sleep time and enough break periods to have ‘me time’ and ‘family time’. What if you retire at 45 with loads of resources but get robbed of health and happiness?
Truly independent people do not depend strictly on timelines and forget to live due to fears, burdens and anxieties. Independent people know when to let go and relax. They relax to rejuvenate to start afresh and be consistent in a healthy way. Live your life as it is a beautiful gift to be cherished in a good way. Life isn’t a battleground to keep fighting wars or a prison to suffer a long sentence of imprisonment. Improve your thoughts.
Some Mr. XYZ, your neighbors, your friends, your colleagues and all whom you don’t even know properly have already done certain things, so you too have to do it by that time only–No! Be independent and rise above this false notion others force you to believe to be the only reality.
Summing up
Be independent in its truest sense. Being competitive, aggressive, troublemaker, blind followers of trends and keeping a rough attitude are not the characteristics or qualities of a Truly Independent individual. Don’t criticize people and situations you don’t like. Instead, focus on subjects you like and everything that you find positive for your happiness and can do good for you. Develop your own style that helps you be your improved version rather than just following what goes in and out of fashion or media dictate to be the reality. Have faith in things your inner self is comfortable and happy with. Don’t go for approval and validations to form an idea or attitude towards anyone or anything. I saw truly independent people doing all these and I liked these qualities. I too follow it and try to improve myself for my betterment. You too can benefit from it if you try it. Plus, you all are very intelligent. What I suggest is be yourself without belittling others and wasting your time in competing unnecessarily for pampering your ego. Be truly independent.
Break-free the shackles of criticism and unnecessary competition to feel free and healthy. Happiness and Beauty then follow naturally with the blessing of the Universe.
